How open are you? How vulnerable do you allow yourself to be?

Most of the people I have ever spent time with (including myself for much of my life) are guarded, protective. We build a little wall around ourself to keep from getting hurt. We close up. We become someone else. We put on a mask and a uniform and pretend to be someone other that our true self.

A few things happen internally when we create these mental and emotional barriers.

First, we lose our connection with our True Self, the actual person that we are. By hiding behind protective barriers, we start thinking of ourselves as fragmented pieces rather than as a whole human. Every time we think ‘I wish’ or ‘what if’, we are losing something from the truth of the moment. Simply choosing to be honest and open with ourself is the most powerful decision we can make, for in being truthful we have the ability to discover potential beyond anything we can achieve when we are investing our energy in hiding.

Second, we lose our connection with the people around us, our family and friends. Each layer we create takes away from real communication. Instead of being able to communicate from total integrity, we are falsifying ourselves by presenting something that isn’t authentic. We are perhaps exposing who we want to be, but we are hiding who we truly are.

Third, We lose our connection with the universe we live in. I am a body, and a mind, and an ego, but deeper than that I am a presence in the universe, an individual yet also a single piece of something much, much bigger than I can comprehend. All the layers that we create around our true selves takes away from life experience. Shedding the layers is a path to a much more rich and fulfilling life.

The barriers we assemble can be compared to the petals of a flower. We are not the petals, we are not the flower: what we are is the beauty of the flower when it is open to radiance of life. Only by opening can we fully experience what the sun has to give. Only by opening can we share that beauty with the rest of the world.

So is your heart open? Do you present yourself from truth, or do you try to be someone you’re not? Can you accept yourself for who you are in the moment?

I’m not suggesting we have to be unchanging people, always content with everything about ourselves. What I’m suggesting is that we are each perfect in this moment: I am, you are. And in the next moment, we’ll each be a little different, and we’ll both be perfect in that moment too. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done right or wrong in life. It doesn’t matter what our economic status is, or our race, or our political beliefs, or our religion. What matters is that we are open to the perfection of the moment, each one of us, and to the perfection within everyone else.

Can you disagree with someone and love them anyway? Can you be threatened by a person and love them anyway? Can you love yourself for who you are in each instant?

How open is your heart?

Other news

• We discover, yet again, that our eating habits kill us: Western diet hikes breast cancer risk in Chinese [www.msnbc.msn.com]
• It’s not which one you choose, it’s how dedicated you are to the long-term: Most diets work about the same, study finds [www.msnbc.msn.com]
• It’s not if you have temptation, it’s how you respond to the temptation: Vegetarian readers share tales of temptation [www.msnbc.msn.com]

Book review: The Power of Now

I have only read about one third of this book so far, but it is by far the best book on spiritual maturity and personal enlightenment I have ever run across.

In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle delves deep into what it means to live in the present. Key to this, as I’ve discussed before, is letting go of ego and other forms of ’self’ identity and simply existing. This book both helps you understand what enlightenment is and also is a hands-on guide to achieving your first (or hundredth) direct experience.

If you’ve ever struggled with ego issues of any kind, if you’ve ever had relationship problems, if you’re having a hard time finding yourself and figuring out your purpose in life, then this book will help you. If you understand the value of living with complete peace of mind, this book is for you.

I can’t recommend this book highly enough. Buy it today!

From the editor

I am still off the grid: no email, no telephone, no IM. I’ve now been gone for about two weeks, and I have two to go. If you send feedback, realize I won’t be able to respond for a while. I’ll be back soon.

Healthy thoughts,
Jeff

Last week I wrote about intentionally relaxing. One notion I referred to was letting go. This week I would like to elaborate on what that means.

As humans, we naturally invest ourselves in many aspects of daily life. For instance, we have a vested interest in our ability to find shelter, so we buy or rent a residence. We have a vested interest in eating and drinking, so we keep our shelves stocked with food enough for many days (or weeks, or even months in some cases).

We invest financially, but in doing so we are also investing emotionally. We keep our house clean, we modify it, we personalize it. We also protect it, going to great lengths to lock others out and to secure our stuff. We emotionally attach ourselves to the resources we’ve obtained.

This is wholly natural. We need to have shelter, so when we get a home we want to protect it. We need to have food to live, so when we buy or find food we want to keep others from taking it from us. This behavior is part of being human.

But it is not necessarily the healthiest way to exist. As an analogy, think about how we act around fatty foods. Historically, fat was a scarce resource that had tremendous energy value for the body. In our modern world, however, food is abundant, and the last thing we need are energy-rich foods in large quantities. Still, it is natural for our bodies to crave fatty foods, even though we know they harm us. The primitive drives still exist, even though the world has changed.

Back to protecting our resources, we invest energy in obtaining things and we invest energy in protecting these things. We attach ourselves to our stuff. For the same reason we protect our food and our house, we also protect everything else we decide is ours.

Imagine if you had nothing. Picture for a moment having no house, no cupboard, no refrigerator, no furniture, no computer, no games, no antiques, no vehicles, no heirlooms, no art, no collections; imagine having no stuff whatsoever. Take that to the extreme (we’re not there yet): imagine having no wardrobe, no clothing other than what you’re wearing right now. Imagine having just a toothbrush, a few body ornaments, and a small bag containing perhaps a book, a photograph, and one or two other personal effects.

Hard to imagine? Does it seem impossible to live this way? It might seem impossible, but it’s reality for millions around the world. The poor in many third-world countries live this way. And they somehow manage to survive.

This is also how many Buddhist monks choose to live. Why? Aha, that’s the important question. Why would someone make a point of living without possessions? They are learning to overcome attachment.

Remember, it is human nature to want to possess things. One path to transcendence, then, is the path of possession-less-ness. With each item given away, the monk becomes less invested in his own self and possessions and can focus his energy on others, on the community, on the world. By having no possessions, the monk realizes the true value of all the stuff, which is zero. We are born with nothing, we die with nothing. The monk lets go.

What do you hold on to? What are you invested in? Are you invested in stuff? Are you invested in an ideal or a cause? What spiritual experiences are you giving up by holding on? Are you so invested in yourself that you are missing life?

When you skydive, it is common to hold on to a bar attached to the aircraft before jumping. How do you let go? You just do. Holding on prevents you from having the experience. If you want the experience badly enough, letting go is easy.

I challenge you to let go. Pick an possession that takes a lot of energy to maintain and release it. Give it away: you can always find someone who will take your stuff. Once you don’t have it any more, take the energy you had been putting into it and focus that energy elsewhere, such as on a relationship with a child or friend or lover.

Practicing with physical possessions is relatively straightforward. It is harder to release conceptual creations. Here’s a good experiment: pick an ideal that holds you back and let go. Does that sound difficult? It is. And yet it can be done. Maybe you believe life should be fair for everyone on the planet. Can you let go of that ideal and accept than unfairness will exist? You might find some interesting results if you do.

How about a belief that limits your life? Maybe you believe you’re not successful at something because you’re too [anything: tall/short, fat/thin, bald/hairy, masculine/feminine, whatever]. Can you let it go? Can you live as if the belief were false?

When you have truly let go of your investment in an ideal or belief, you begin to see the world through new eyes. You see success where others see failure. You see abundance where others see scarcity. You see joy where others see grief.

How do you let go of the limiting beliefs in your life? The same way you let go of the bar you’re suspended from. You just make the choice and do it. Doing it isn’t hard, it’s deciding to do it that holds most of us back. Be the monk: decide to let go.

Other news

• Not a picture I really needed to see: Bowel cancer risk gene pinpointed [news.bbc.co.uk]
• Not a catalog I want to get: Fears over catalogue Botox offer [news.bbc.co.uk]
• Not an approach I would have thought of: The XXX-rated med school teacher [news.bbc.co.uk]

From the editor

I am still off the grid: no email, no telephone, no IM. Basically, I’m unreachable, even by family. If you send feedback, realize I won’t be able to respond for a few weeks. I’ll be back in August.

Healthy thoughts,
Jeff

I used to be very tense. Sitting in the car, in traffic, would drive me up the wall, and my neck, back, and shoulders would be so tight by the time I got home that it hurt to move. I would be too sore to fall asleep until I was exhausted. Basically, I was bottling in all the tension and didn’t know how to let it out.

Many people I know use massage and other body work to undo this stress, but I finally discovered that I could get the same effects, whenever I wanted, easily. Today I would like to share with you what I do when I get tense.

Tension shows up in all realms our existence, the most obvious being emotional and physical. Typically, these two go hand-in-hand. When we feel physically stressed, our emotions follow suit. Likewise, when we are emotionally stressed, our bodies tighten up in response. Spiritually we close down as a result, and our interactions with others become less and less communicative and rich; we lose empathy and connection in our interpersonal relationships.

However, most of the stress we feel is the result of our mental thought process, of our conscious mind and little voice. Some of us actually have experiences that result in stress from non-mental sources (being threatened in a dark alley, for example), but for the most part in modern society, stress results from our though sequences. Therefore, the first place to start in reducing stress is with our thoughts.

The biggest source of stress for most of us is holding on to something and being unable to let go. Maybe it’s an ideal. Perhaps it’s an object we want that we can’t have. It might be a relationship that isn’t what we think it should be. Whatever it is, ultimately it boils down to our expectations: we expect something to be one way, it isn’t that way, and we invest our ego into trying to make it what we want.

Instead, what I do is let go. I let go of my attachment to the expected experience. What does it mean to let go? It means I first reflect on my thoughts and emotions and ask myself what it is that I’m expecting. What is the experience I want to have? Then I ask myself why it’s important to me. Sometimes it is important for my expectations to be realized, but most of the time it is not. Is it really important in this case? Really? Or am I making it seem important when in fact, in the grand scheme of life, it doesn’t matter? I finally ask myself what I can do to change things right now. If it is under my control, what can I do differently? If it isn’t under my control, no amount of thinking will change things, so all the worry in the world just makes things worse… instead I make the choice to enjoy the moment and find something to distract me from the negative thoughts.

For instance, let’s say I am upset because traffic is backed up. What is the experience I want? I want an open road. Why? Because I feel like my time is being wasted when I am sitting in the car instead of working or playing or visiting with friends; I would rather be spending my time in some other way. Is it important that I get where I’m going sooner? It feels important, but I’m not going to die or be hurt or lose friendships over it, so no, it isn’t important. And besides, is there anything I can do about it? Is there a single thing I can do that will free up the traffic jam? Obviously not. Even if I drive aggressively, changing lanes any time a spot opens up big enough for my front bumper to crowd into, at most I’ll get where I’m going a few seconds earlier. There is effectively nothing I can do.

So why worry? Instead, I turn on the radio and sing along. I make a phone call. I drill myself on items I’m memorizing. I listen to an audio book. I practice a speech. I create a story or joke. I turn my conscious mind off. Anything will work, so long as I am not focused on being late. Remember the why? I felt like I was wasting time. So I’ll do something that is not a waste of time. No problem. I relax and get where I’m going peacefully.

Or another example: let’s say I’m wearing shorts and a short-sleeve shirt, and as the day grows late I find myself out in a chilly evening. What is the experience I want? I want to feel warm. Why do I want it? Because I don’t like shivering. Is it important that I don’t shiver? Well, it’s important that I don’t get sick. However, I’ve found that in general being cold once in a while doesn’t make me sick. The only importance is my own comfort. Is there anything I can do about it? Well, I can’t make the air warmer (though I can step inside somewhere if it becomes too much of a problem); basically, there’s nothing I can do about the environment.

So why worry? Instead of focusing on the cold, I focus on anything else. In fact, I can focus on relaxing the individual muscles that are starting to tense up. That’s exactly what I do. I focus on the relaxation, and that both takes my mind off the cold temperature and soothes the muscles. When I finally get a jacket or step inside, I am already comfortable. Where most people would be stressed, I’m calm and relaxed.

In every case, the answer involves finding the why. Why am I stressed? Why am I upset? Once I understand why, I can address the real issue. It’s not the traffic, it’s feeling unproductive. It’s not the cold, it’s wanting to not shiver. Once I address the internal why, the stimulus doesn’t matter any more.

Yes, it takes effort to relax in a stressful situation. It takes practice. Over time, however, the process becomes easier and more natural; pretty soon you’ll find you think less and less about it.

In a way, this is a form of meditation or of yoga. I focus on my breathing, my energy, my body; I let go of the stress by letting go of the attachment I have to an expected outcome. By looking in, I find the issue that’s bothering me, and I release it. And I relax as a result.

Other news

• Sounds like they need a trip to the gym… Kids are still obese, despite nutrition education [www.msnbc.msn.com]
• … then a quick stop at the pharmacist… Bullied kids likely to take more meds than peers [www.msnbc.msn.com]
• … and finish up with an afternoon at the spa… Spa treatments for kids raise waxed eyebrows [www.msnbc.msn.com]

From the editor

This week I am off the grid: no email, no telephone, no IM. In fact, I’m so far off the grid that I don’t even have batteries or matches. If you send feedback, realize I won’t be able to respond for a few weeks. I’ll be back in August. If you send me any feedback, please be patient while I’m away.

Healthy thoughts,
Jeff

How often do you think just how fortunate you are? How much energy do you invest into acknowledging the goodness in your life? How grateful are you?

It can be hard, sometimes, to be thankful. We all have negatives in our life. If you look hard enough, I’m sure you could find twenty things that aren’t the way you want them to be. Standing around, chatting with friends, most of us are in the habit of complaining about what isn’t right in our world.

But is that really a good thing to do?

I believe it is one of the most destructive behaviors most people have. When you are complaining, you are putting your attention on the perceived bad in your life. And we know that what you pay attention to matters; each thought influences and often even determines the next. If you are paying attention to bad things, you find more bad things. If you are paying attention to what’s wrong, you discover more and more wrongs in your day, in your life. Next thing you know, you are feeling down, demotivated, depressed, or cynical about everything.

However, if you focus on something positive, an amazing thing happens: you find other positives in your day. Just like a negative thought brings more negative thoughts, a positive thought brings a chain of more positive thoughts. If you find something good about your life, it’s a little easier to find something else that is good.

It might be hard when you first try. Most of us have years and years of habitual complaining to overcome. One attempt to think about the positives is not going to radically change that momentum. However, if you spend a few minutes a day thinking about the goodness you’ve experienced, you will notice that each day it’s easier to find those uplifting moments.

This is where spending time being grateful is so powerful. You see, in order to feel gratitude, you have to focus your attention on the good. You must remember a personal success, someone that shared a positive experience with you, some moment that you enjoyed. By giving thanks to the Universe (or God, or Allah, or the Great Spirit, or Mother Earth; the identity will be based on your beliefs), you open yourself to more of those moments and experiences.

Some people seem to have nothing good happen in their life. This is not because some people are unlucky, it’s because they make themselves a magnet for negativity. Harboring negative thoughts brings negative results. Negative people have positive things happening to them, but they don’t recognize those good things because they are too busy investing their energy in the bad.

If, instead, you harbor a positive mindset, an optimistic viewpoint, you become a magnet for wonderful experiences, rich opportunities, and fantastic coincidences. Choosing to see the positives in your life brings more positives. Optimistic, enthusiastic people do have negative things happen, but they see the good in those negative moments, they learn from them, they find the silver lining, and they continue to be positive.

Having a wonderful life is easy: spend some time every day (or several times through the day) and reflect on and feel gratitude for the goodness you experience. It’s an easy choice to make. With a little practice, you’ll see greatness in more and more aspects of your life.

Give thanks for every moment you have. Find something good about each instant, and acknowledge just how wonderful it is. Live from a place of gratefulness.

Other news

• The levels didn’t change, just the accuracy of the data: ‘Sharp drop’ in India Aids levels [news.bbc.co.uk]
• The quoted word makes the headline more interesting: Chocolate ‘lowers’ blood pressure [news.bbc.co.uk]
• Another headline with one word quoted: Organic food ‘better’ for heart [news.bbc.co.uk]

From the editor

In just a few days I head off into the wilderness for several weeks. I will be completely unreachable. I am participating in an eco-friendly wilderness survival program. Basically, I’ll be living off the land for the next month. We will have no electronics (not even a digital watch) and no conveniences… can you imagine? I’m slightly overwhelmed myself, but I’m filled with excitement and anticipation.

I have made arrangements so that the issues should post and the website should update normally. However, I will not be able to respond to feedback at all until I return. I appreciate your patience while I am away.

Healthy thoughts,
Jeff

How much attention are you giving to your thoughts and actions at this moment? Last week I talked of being present; this week I am going to talk of being mindful.

Being mindful means intentionally focusing on your thoughts and actions. This means, for example, recognizing and acknowledging all the thoughts that come up while you perform a task. It means purposefully turning your attention inward and exploring where your head goes as you live through the day. Being mindful is being present with your mind, with your thoughts.

Sometimes we spend a large amount of time trying to turn off or alter our thoughts, criticizing our minds for thinking of (or not thinking of) specific things. This is fun to try, but inevitably ends in failure… thoughts just come up regardless of our attempts to stop them.

Other times we try to think of everything… the day is a continual barrage of important thought after important thought. For these times, not having enough thoughts or ideas feels like a problem that needs fixing. Much time is invested in thinking about things, analyzing whatever is currently the focus of attention.

Either way, the focus is not on the mind, but on some other thought. This is not mindfulness, this is just a full mind.

To be mindful, we must make the actual stream of thoughts the point of focus. This is to be done as an observer. The mind never seems to stop, it continually generates this monologue. If we open ourselves to observing and accepting the stream, we find a deeper sense of happiness.

What if the thoughts are ‘bad’ or undesired thoughts, though? For instance, what if our thoughts are telling us we are too much of something or not enough of something (too old, too young, not educated enough)? Well, an important point of mindfulness is that it is judgement-free. It is normal to have random thoughts. How you respond to those thoughts is worthy of judgement, the fact that those thoughts arise is uncontrollable in the instantaneous sense. With practice and training, you can alter the types of thoughts you generally have; however, at any given time, the next instant’s thought is entirely out of your control. You may choose to ignore it, to not act on it, but the fact the thought exists is not to be criticized.

Mindful people, then, are extremely intimate with their stream of consciousness. They are comfortable with the thoughts they have and recognize them as just thoughts. These thoughts are not true or false, right or wrong, good or bad, they are just random thoughts. Each of them can be acted upon or acknowledged and disregarded.

And herein lies choice: we have the choice of how to respond to our thoughts. That choice, once we realize that we have it, is one of the fundamental keys to happiness.

Being mindful is knowing ourselves at a deeper level. It is enlightening and invigorating. Be mindful.

Other news

• A lot of words, not a lot being said: Will the ban boost public health? [news.bbc.co.uk]
• Just read what the team was working on before: Pill to make dieters ‘feel full’ [news.bbc.co.uk]
• Or you could just eat better: Shots may help you lose that pot belly: report [www.reuters.com]

From the editor

This week I am adjusting to the time change, as I returned to the United States a couple days ago. Between jet-lag and a million errands (roughly), I am keeping very of odd hours. Fortunately, I have plenty of energy, thanks to my diet and exercise habits. The better shape I keep myself in, the easier these trips become.

I would like to thank Melissa Wadsworth for quoting me in her newsletter recently. Melissa is an author, coach, and speaker who focuses on connecting our inner world with our outer world. If you are ever able to attend one of her sessions, you will be grateful for the opportunity.

I appreciate all the feedback I’ve received so far on the new website. Keep your opinions and suggestions coming; I may incorporate your idea, and I am always open to helpful feedback. Tell me how you think it could be better.

I expect to be in Anchorage in mid-August. I can conduct a wellness workshop for your group while I’m there. If you want to book, you need to do so ASAP, as I’ll be completely unreachable for several weeks starting soon… more on that next week.

Healthy thoughts,
Jeff