I have a pet peeve. Actually, I have several, but there is one in particular that I’m going to share with you today. I really don’t like it when someone makes a what sounds like a request but expects a certain response. And people do this in many ways, and at many times throughout the day.
The most common type of loaded request is the question from the boss: ‘Could you have this on my desk by tomorrow afternoon?’. We all know he isn’t asking us, he expects the report to be delivered. That expectation is what makes it a demand and not a request.
And this is why it bothers me when people expect a certain reply, response, or result. They have not made a request, they have made a demand. When you demand something of me, you ruffle my feathers.
Certain kinds of expectation are, well, expected. I’m expected to be at work at a certain time. I’m expected to pay my bills. There are demands on me from the world I live in and as a result of the choices I make, and I fully accept those. I have obligations that I live up to.
But it’s completely different when someone makes a demand of me outside of those obligations. If I have an agreement with you, then sure, you are right to expect me to live up to my end of the agreement. But if we don’t have an agreement, then demands are inappropriate.
If you expect a particular result, then you are making a demand. It’s that simple. Make sure you communicate this clearly. Be respectful, be polite, but also be sure they understand what you are expecting. Make a statement. If you are not expecting a particular outcome, then just be aware of the words you are using. Ask a question. Check-in with yourself before you ask and make sure you can accept any answer equally well. If you can, then you truly have no expectation.
How do you avoid accidentally (or intentionally) making demands of others? It all comes from your frame of mind when you communicate your desire with them. Do you expect a certain response?
The easiest way is to look at your approach in reverse. Did you convey your request in the form of a question? Did you mean it as a question? If you asked the other person, and it was a genuinely open question where you can accept any answer, then you can honestly say you haven’t made a demand.
What do you expect? Can you let go of those expectations a little? Can you let replies from others be what they are and be fine with them?
What do you expect of yourself? Can you relax those expectations as well?
In the news
- And I thought breaking up by email was rude: Sex Partners Get STD Alerts by E-mail
- You probably shouldn’t do this via email: Telling your honey, ‘it’s time for a diet’
- This assumes they’re not getting STD notifications: More men than women find happiness online
Quote for the week
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens. – Benjamin Disraeli
Healthy thoughts,
Jeff
