There’s an old saying: ‘time heals all wounds‘. Most people believe that time is the only way to fix the hurt from the loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, losing all your personal property in a house fire, or any other emotional trauma. It’s true that given enough time the pain, loss, or shock will go away of it’s own accord.
But if you feel these things for a long time, you’re missing out on all the wonderfulness and beauty of life that’s all around you every day.
What if there was a better way to get over the negative events you’ve experienced? What if you could move past the pain, the disappointment, or the anguish and get on with life? Well, there is.
The secret is simple: Feel it. Immerse yourself in it. Express it. Get it out. And then let it go.
Think about what most people do when they are experiencing something unpleasant: they bottle it in. They try the strategy most often called ‘go on with your life’, ignoring the needs of their emotional self. They trudge through their work or play, distracted and distant as they attempt to act like everything is OK.
After a few weeks, things appear back to normal, and the experience is just lost to the perceived priorities of the moment. At the same time, they feel increasing stress and anger. But since they have pushed down their need to grieve or otherwise experience the loss, they don’t make the connection that the anger is from their choice to ignore their needs in the first place.
By comparison, think of the person who becomes immersed in what they are feeling. Emotions come up, and they open their heart and mind fully to the moment. They cry. They yell, They run. They feel everything that bubbles up. It comes up, and it comes out. And then it’s past, and they get over it. It may happen again and again, but over a relatively short period of time the incidences become less and less common, and less and less extreme, and pretty soon they truly are healed and back to living life.
The worst approach you can take is to dwell. All the stuff that comes up is emotional. You’ve got to feel the emotions or you haven’t grieved. Thinking about it doesn’t change anything. Talking about it can, if you feel it and express whatever is going on, but if you’re just calmly discussing things you are not grieving… it will come back again and again. Then you run the risk of wrecking your attitude for a very long time.
When you lose something, anything, of strong emotional value, grieving must occur. It will eventually. You can choose the time and place, or you can choose to put it off and put it off. Either way all the stuff comes up, but in the former case it’s addressed while in the latter it multiplies and grows and festers and becomes part of an overall unhappy viewpoint on life. And it takes much longer. And feels worse.
Open up and grieve. It’s healthier, it’s faster, and it’s more natural. And it actually feels pretty good.
In the news
- Again proving drugs aren’t the answer: Heart patients’ bad habits thwart drug benefits
- Should you be afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf? Should you be afraid of Friday the 13th?
- When lawyers and politicians collaborate we get this: Study: U.S. Health Care A Bad Deal
Quote for the week
Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. – Tori Amos
Healthy thoughts,
Jeff
